Thursday, April 03, 2003
The force of nature. I find it amazing lately. The way things just move without a push. The way that trees from buds to blossoms will go on to make leaves- the way children become adults, and parents become old, and myself just marveling in this metamorphosis, powerless to lift a finger to stop it.
I guess I finally do understand why Japanese like to get snockered at "hanami" [cherry blossom] time...
but it's no longer an option for me.
Now I find myself getting teary eyed a lot more than I used to. Not because I'm sad or depressed, but just plain sentimental. [But in a good way, says Billy Crystal...]
One look from my son said it all today, it said, "Yes, I am growing up" "Yes, I am going to soon not need you" and "Yes, I do appreciate all you've done for me, just not right now"...
So I am learning too.
Learning slowly [so slowly] how to let go.
How to let him be the man he will be and fight the urge to "help". It is as difficult to learn as it was to learn how to raise him, and all so bittersweet...
All these memories just come flooding the gates with that one look. I only hope that he will remember as I do...
I have been doing my best- and filling my life with his and my agenda.
Will he remember?
The new school year starts in a few days. Today he [with me accompanying] did the haircut, the eye exam, the new sneakers, but something unexpected came to me that I didn't plan on. In our parting at the train station, as I prepared to go do shopping for dinner, we nodded at one another, and in that look it said more than "see you at home"...
it said : " thanks"...
Till next time [Mamma] 'Mela
2:38 AM
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Photo: Michio Yves Ueda
